Parliamentary Dormitory Enquiries

In a long overdue move to address housing challenges faced by current and former Members of Parliament, the Government has announced the opening of a new dormitory facility within the Parliament precinct.

The facility promises to provide a comfortable and convenient living arrangement, sparing our lawmakers (and therefore taxpayers) from the exorbitant costs of the Wellington housing market. As expected, the announcement has generated a flood of queries from MPs keen to secure their spot but querying some of the details.

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Hey Team,

Against my better judgment, I'm putting my hand up to be the Residents Association President. If no one else wants the job, I'll do it. Or if I am the best person for the job, which I think I probably am. Reluctantly.

Cheers,

Chlöe

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Could you tell me how sturdy the beds are?

Thanks,

Sam Uffindell

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Hi there,

Just checking, how long is the standard term for staying in the dormitory? Not that I'm planning to leave anytime soon.

Best,

Darleen Tana

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G’day,

Are blokes allowed to sublet rooms? Sometimes my wife might want to stay over and I need to know if I can charge the Sheilla rent. Fair dinkum.

Also what’s the sitch with dry cleaning? I don’t want to pay $350 for a Swandri only to have you guys skimp on the fabric softener. Strewth!

Also, very keen on the unit Chippy’s already booked. Any chance of a swap?

Ta,

Kieran McAnulty (Go the Bush!)

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To Whom It May Concern,

What is this about a "no bikes in the lift" policy? This is outrageous! How else am I supposed to get my bike to my room? What the Hell is wrong with you? Can you please give me the manager’s phone number?

Fuming,

Julie Anne Genter

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Dear Enquiries,

Could you please confirm if the stairs have sturdy handrails?

Best,

Mark Blumsky

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Kia Ora,

I hope this missive finds you in good spirits. I am writing to seek clarification regarding the recent updates to the in-room entertainment systems within our new parliamentary dormitories. I am keen to ascertain the variety of channels now available to us, including on demand entertainment. I have a deep appreciation for the pay-per-view arts and wish desire to remain well-informed on the latest releases in that field.

Yours faithfully,
Shane Jones

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Tēnā koe,

I must protest the lack of storage space in the units, which calls into question the commitment of the dormitory to te tiriti o Waitangi. It appears to be perpetuating systemic inequalities. Could you clarify what you will do to address this structural racism?

nga mihi,
Rawiri Waititi

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Good morning,

Do I need to provide a parental permission slip to stay in the dormitory? Is it okay if just my mum signs or do you need dad too?

Sincerely,
Simeon Brown

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Dear Management,

I would like to know if it's possible to enrol under a different name to the one I was elected under? I can provide matching ID.

Thanks in advance,
David Garrett

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Hello,

Can you provide a detailed map of all CCTV camera locations within the dormitory?

Thank you,

Golriz Ghahraman

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Hello,

What are the rules about operating a business out of a unit? Can try to be discreet but no promises.

Jami-Lee Ross

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Hi,

Could you please provide information on the dormitory’s wiring surge protection measures?

Thank you,

Maureen Pugh

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Good morning,

Are we able to hire our own contractors to refurbish the bathrooms? I can get a great deal on the tiling.

Warm regards,

Taito Philip Field

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Greetings,

I realise I am not an MP or former MP, but are the meeting rooms available for use by the general public?

Len Brown

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Hi there,

I reserved a room but I’m told Kieran McAnulty is plotting to take it off me. Can you confirm this isn’t the case?

Chris Hipkins

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Talofa,

Could you please confirm the level of soundproofing in the rooms? It’s important for me to have a quiet environment and I haven’t got around to crushing the boy racer fleet yet.

Best regards,

Judith Collins

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Good morning,

When I was CEO of Air New Zealand, profits grew to record levels and we were named Australia's most trusted brand on multiple occasions. Just thought I should let you know.

Christopher Luxon

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Hey,

How many floors are the dorms going to be? I’m not against more density in theory, just in practice. How are you going to guarantee Thorndon property values won’t take a bit? Can we exclude the dormitories from the Wellington College school zone?

David Seymour

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I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire whether there is an exchange programme available for British MPs looking to experience living abroad for a period. I’m having a rough time at the moment and feel a change of scenery might be beneficial. Any information you could provide on this would be greatly appreciated.

Rishi Sunak