Votes from the crypt

Your definitive guide to dead celebrity voting

Photo by Sacre Bleu on Unsplash

David Seymour keeps getting up noses by claiming various dead people would be supporting ACT were they alive today. First it was Nelson Mandela. Now it is Kate Sheppard.

Determining who the dead would vote for may seem like a silly exercise. But, if Edmund Burke is right and society is a partnership between those who are living, those who are dead, and those who are to be born, the issue takes on a vital character.

So, if anything, we should spend more time fighting about the voting preferences of the Shakespeare and Cleopatra.

Without further ado, here is my analysis of which dead people would vote for whom.

Napoleon Bonaparte - New Zealand First

Napoleon would be tempted to vote for National or ACT to reduce the influence of Wellington. But in the end, he’d probably vote for NZ First because he'd see a kindred spirit in Winston Peters' determination to bounce back from exile.

Joan of Arc - Te Pāti Māori

Joan of Arc would likely vote for the Māori Party. She was sensitive to the problems associated with English colonisation and even knows a thing or two about beating it back.

Ludwig van Beethoven - The Opportunities Party

He wouldn't be bothered by its annoying supporters because he wouldn’t be able to hear them.

Queen Elizabeth II - also New Zealand First

Her Majesty (RIP) would vote for New Zealand First. Not for any policy in particular, mind you, but because she’s always liked having a Winston in charge.

Sigmund Freud - ACT

Would be drawn to the party due to its obsession with shrinking the size of government. “Why so small?” he would wonder, “is it a metaphor?”

Agatha Christie - also also New Zealand First

The great mystery novelist would be captivated by the enigma of who Winston Peters would choose to form a coalition with after the election. Possibly the only person who could predict what the twist will be.

Marie Curie - Green Party

Marie Curie, the pioneering scientist known for her groundbreaking work on radioactivity, would likely probably go for the Green Party. After all if the Greens had been able to stop her research back in the day, she may have lived longer.

Larry David – National

He may lean to the left. Most of Hollywood does. But bald guys have to have each other’s back.

[Note: Larry David isn’t dead. so I guess National gets no votes - Ed.]

Captain Edward Smith, RMS Titanic – Labour

Would be very impressed with the job Chris Hipkins is doing with the deck chairs.

And the winner is…

As we complete our survey of the political graveyard, the conclusion rings eerily clear: Winston Peters appears to be the candidate of choice. And perhaps this isn’t so surprising.

After all, we’ve known for a long time that nothing increases the propensity to vote for NZ First like proximity to the grave.